why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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