like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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