i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
