Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Couch. On fire.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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