I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
