yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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