This is not my ceiling
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
