he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
