I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
