I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
