Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
