I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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