drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
