...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
pray to the hookup gods
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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