I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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