grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
