He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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