The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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