She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
