He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
