My hair reeks of homosexuality.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
