oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
