had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
