I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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