also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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