couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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