my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
