I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
