Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
