I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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