Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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