i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
