I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
