I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
