theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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