On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
