i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
