areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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