it was like eating out sand paper
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
