these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
