you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
