we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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