I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
