U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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