Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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