I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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