I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
