i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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