how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
