On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
