you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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