Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
