elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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