i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
